Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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