he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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