And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
