: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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