sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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