billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
