things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
