i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
