how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
