i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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