I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
