wanna go halves on a baby?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
