When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
