Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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