dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
