Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
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I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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