You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
