How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
