True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
