you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
