I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
