You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
