His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
