The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
