textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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