I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
