good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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