Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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