its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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