Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize