i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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