i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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