I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
