She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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