Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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