I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
