Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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