No more Irish car bombs ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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