TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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