Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
