woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
