it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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