I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
