Someone shit on the floor
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
