Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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