dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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