Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just want to make out with him forever
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
