my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
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Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize