sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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