Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if only i could text you this smell
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
