Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
