when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
