I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
