You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
