im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
