I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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